My recent experience with charity.
A few weeks ago I was stopped in the street (just outside of the Bristol hippodrome) by one of those guys with the blue jackets on. I had some time to kill. Nowhere to be, no people to see, so I thought I'd hear him out. I assumed he was after my money and I was expecting for him to show me some horrific pictures and there, I hand a five pounds over, but that didn't happen :(.
So, after gulping at a bunch of Russian children with cuts and bruises on their faces I felt in a giving mood. He asked for my credit card details, and of course, naturally I handed them to him. He kept shaking my hand and telling me what a great guy I was. I felt like Richard Hammond! Then as I walked away, I began to doubt signing up for a £5 a week donation. Worst yet I had no idea what I was donating to. After racking my brain I was convinced the charity was called "Easy Child".
Worried I was funding a child molesters haven, I decided to cancel the direct debit. I paid the first month then cancelled online. Then several weeks later I got a letter through the post from a charity called "Every Child". "Dr. Jack.: We're writing to you to congratulate you on your generous donation...". After reading a letter that basically called me the greatest human being ever to walk this earth, it closed with the line, "However, we are aware you may have cancelled your direct debit". I'm sorry "Every Child" but 5 pounds a month is a little bit too much for me. Well, I don't know what's happened here, I felt a lot better when I didn't give to charity, now I feel like a monster. I guess I gave £5 to charity, that's good isn't it? So, basically little Sasha wont get her £5s a month; now she may not be able to go to school....Sorry.
I hope that didn't sound insincere because I am genuinely feeling bad about the whole thing.
Neighbours: That's all folks.
Neighbours is moving to Five, so I've decided to write an ending for the show, because lets face it, who's going to watch it on Five?
The final scene is Nina (Delta Goodrem) playing the theme tune on a piano (presumingly in some sort of Neighbours heaven), then Harold walks over with his Tuba and starts to jam. Kylie and Russell Crowe walk in and start singing, followed closely by Jack (I'm addicted to dancing) Skully, Sarah (Carl's floozy) and various other members of the cast.
Eventually they all start dancing and the song increases in tempo, Boyd back flips in to sight and performs some sort of urban dance. Stingray runs into view and tries to copy Boyd's dance but he's clearly rubbish.
On come the ladies, all the Neighbours hotties from over the years march on in their underwear and the camera turns to see Carl's reaction, he's quickly nudged by Susan who gives a, "What is he like, look." Then Paul (the one who likes the band Battery Acid) joins the cast playing a dual electric guitar solo with Lance.
Finally the song climaxes with timpani and fireworks. The scene that finally ends Neighbours is Bishop sweeping up after the cast have performed their number. He looks in the camera (possibly for the first time ever); tuts and rolls his eyes before continuing with cleaning up. Then Toady runs on and winks at the camera. The End.
Myspace: Quiz.
I enjoyed the last Myspace quiz so much, I've decided to take another. This one tells you what type of person you are based on the letters in your name. I really hate my last name, it's too loud, I'd prefer a nice quite last name like Smith, I can guarantee Smith would be a great person.
Choose the letters in your last name.
S : you're loyal to those you love (Yes, I'd agree with that)
H : you have a very good personality,looks and, are a very good kisser (Well, gee thanks, not sure that's true though)
A : you like to drink (Not really, I don't drink much at all, I enjoy drinking though) R : fuckin Crazy (No, I'm not crazy) P : you are popular with all types of people (Definitely not true, I'm popular with a small group of people, I think)
According to that I'm a great guy, I'm mad me. In fact every name is positive, the only negative letter seems to be "Q : you are a hypocrite". Poor Quinn.
My girl band: Be my babies.
On a completely fictional note: I've started my own girl band! A bit like The Supremes, The Ronettes and The Shangri-Las. I fancy myself as a Phil Spector type person; I write and produce the songs as well as tell them what to wear, say and be. It's great idea, if I do say so myself and of course, I'm going to be a total Phil Spector, by that I mean being completely eccentric.
So, my first step was to hold auditions to get my girls. I put up a few posters around college and then had the nerve to sit in a room and tell the people who actually turned up, they were crap. In the end I settled on three girls and after legally changing their names to: Toni, Susy and Angel, I came up with the name, "The Crayolaettes", named partly after my favourite brand of crayons.
Once the band were formed we went through a few songs that I'd written for them. Amongst them: glitzy ballad, "He Cried For Your Love", and the up tempo, "You Cheated, You Gonna Die!". To tell you the truth, only Angel could nail the vocals, so I just got her to do it all.
After we got the single recorded, "No Way Sista!", we worked on some promotion. I rang up a few members from the big girl groups at the moment, I'm talking: The Bananaramas, The Spice Girls, The Steps and told them to watch themselves because there's a new group in town. Then the girls did a few photo shoots and that's pretty much it. I'm currently waiting to hear back from a few labels but I'm pretty positive, we've got the deal.
Paul Danan: Test drive my girlfriend.
Come on Paul! Try her out!
Watching this video actually offends me. I'm not sure if it's the naked child's body or the face on top of it but it actually makes me feel sick. Why on earth would any girl on the planet agree to be 'Test Driven' *cringes* by Paul Danan? I mean, how does the conversation go? And what does test driven even mean? The thoughts that phrase conjure in mind -- well, it's disgusting. If you're lucky enough to have a girlfriend, don't ask her to go on dates with Paul Danan, I can't imagine that conversation would be too good and why would the guy want to sit there and watch Danan necking (or even more) with his girlfriend? I'm not sure why I despise this man so much, is it the fact that he's a complete twat, or is it because he doesn't seem to realise it?
At 2:38 this video gets good. I'm probably just very bored but I found the "LOOK AT YOU! LOOK AT YOU!" bit hilarious. That's the sound of a man going through a crisis. If I ever loose it -- and some day I probably will -- I want to sound like Danan shouting "LOOK AT YOU! LOOK AT YOU!". Wow what a sound.
".....sorry mum language...but the guy is a prick." - That line actually made me laugh out loud. Not that I support Sophie Anderton at all. I'm just reading the comments for this video. "Total self obsessed cunt, but i would love to boot her back door in!! haaaaaaaa" - muheherhoher. I'm confused, is that a euphemism that I'm unaware of or does he literally want to kick her back door in? Actually applying that term to other things makes things a lot clearer, I think I've just been educated by youtube.
Thanks for reading.
Thanks for reading, if you actually read all that, I really like you. Please Dan, no "lol u hav 2 much time on yis ands" because I wrote this over the space of about a month, sparing five minutes here and there. I'll level with you, I thought my blogs were shit until I read a couple of my friends blogs. Christ what a bunch of self obsessed goons! I'm joking of course, I enjoy them all. Sorry, I've really babbled on haven't I? Sorry, bye, thanks.
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